The ‘80s and ‘90s were a golden age of toys—wildly creative, often ridiculous, and sometimes straight-up dangerous. Back then, safety standards were… let’s just say, more relaxed. Today’s kids will never know the thrill (or the slight existential risk) of playing with toys that could burn, blind, or concuss you. If you grew up during this time, congratulations on making it out unscathed. Here are ten of the most absurdly dangerous toys that would never make it to shelves today.

1. Lawn Darts (Jarts)

Let’s start with the most infamous of them all: Lawn Darts. The game was simple—throw large, weighted, metal-tipped darts toward a target on the ground. What could possibly go wrong? Turns out, a lot. These things were basically medieval weapons in a family-friendly package. By the late ’80s, they were responsible for multiple fatalities and countless injuries. The Consumer Product Safety Commission finally banned them in 1988, ensuring that future generations of kids would have to find less impaling-prone backyard games.

2. Creepy Crawlers (Original Version)

Sure, today’s Creepy Crawlers kits let kids make rubbery insects in a safe little oven, but the original ‘60s and ‘70s versions—revived in the ‘90s—were basically Easy-Bake Ovens designed by a mad scientist. The metal molds got scorching hot, and touching them could result in serious burns. Plus, the “Plasti-Goop” used to create the creepy creatures wasn’t exactly non-toxic. Good luck explaining to your parents why your fingertips were covered in blisters.

3. The Snacktime Cabbage Patch Doll

In the ‘90s, toy makers thought, “What if a Cabbage Patch doll could actually eat?” The result? A nightmare. The Snacktime Cabbage Patch Doll had a motorized mouth that would “chew” plastic snacks. The problem? It didn’t stop chewing. Kids’ hair, fingers, and even clothing got caught in the doll’s relentless jaws of doom. Mattel recalled the doll in 1997, but not before traumatizing an entire generation.

4. Sky Dancers

Sky Dancers were enchanting little fairy dolls that, when launched from their base, spun into the air in a beautiful, twirling flight. Sounds harmless, right? Wrong. These things had zero directional control, meaning they would shoot off at full speed toward whatever (or whoever) was in their way. Eyes were blackened, windows were shattered, and siblings were ambushed. The toy was recalled in 2000 after over 150 reported injuries, proving that unlicensed projectile fairies were, in fact, a bad idea.

5. Moon Shoes

Moon Shoes were basically miniature trampolines strapped to your feet, promising kids the ability to bounce like astronauts. What they actually delivered was a one-way ticket to sprained ankles and bruised tailbones. The design was flimsy, and the uneven bouncing often sent kids crashing to the ground. Yet, for some reason, they remained popular well into the ’90s. Who needs gravity when you have reckless abandon?

6. Skip-It

A deceptively simple concept—attach a plastic ball to your ankle with a rope, swing it around, and jump over it. Sounds fun, right? Until you miscalculated and whacked yourself in the shin with enough force to see your ancestors. Skip-Its were notorious for bruised legs and tripping hazards, and the harder you swung it, the worse the potential damage. Yet somehow, we all kept playing.

7. The CSI Fingerprint Examination Kit

Toys based on popular TV shows can be hit or miss, but the CSI Fingerprint Examination Kit was an actual health hazard. The powder included for dusting fingerprints contained asbestos. Yep, the same toxic substance linked to lung disease was packed into a children’s toy. It was recalled in 2007, but not before horrifying parents who thought they were buying a harmless detective kit.

8. Pogo Balls

Ah, the Pogo Ball—a rubber ball sandwiched between two plastic discs that you stood on and bounced around like a human kangaroo. In theory, it was a fun, active toy. In practice, it was a surefire way to land face-first on concrete. The balance required to successfully use one was borderline superhuman, and most kids ended up with scraped knees, bruised elbows, and a newfound distrust of gravity.

9. The Atomic Energy Lab

This one goes back to the ‘50s, but its sheer absurdity earns it a place on the list. The Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab came with actual uranium ore samples so kids could experiment with radioactivity at home. Yes, you read that correctly—radioactive materials. Unsurprisingly, this toy didn’t last long on the market, and it remains one of the most bafflingly dangerous playthings ever sold.

10. Water Wiggle

A seemingly innocent water toy, the Water Wiggle was a hose attachment with a weighted nozzle that wiggled and sprayed water unpredictably. The problem? That unpredictable movement sometimes meant it would launch itself directly at kids’ faces at high speed. In rare cases, the nozzle even got stuck in kids’ mouths, leading to a tragic recall in the ’70s. Today, water toys tend to be a bit less… violent.

A Moment to Reflect

Looking back, it’s a wonder any of us made it through childhood with only a few permanent scars (physical or emotional). These toys were wild, dangerous, and sometimes downright irresponsible—but they were also fun. Today’s kids may have safer playthings, but they’ll never know the thrill of putting their own bodies on the line for a good time!